Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
