There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
