I heard we made out
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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