Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Randomize
