this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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