The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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