and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
