just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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