God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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