im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
