today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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