You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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