I puked a lego.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
