its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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