I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
