you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
