I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
