Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize