She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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