we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
