My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
