didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
