The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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