Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
