You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
