I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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