My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
