I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize