It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
