the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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