Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i think i scared a bird with my dick
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
