my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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