I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize