nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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