my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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