ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
