We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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