dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
