Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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