The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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