I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
