"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
