Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
