she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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