i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
