Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I cut my penus on the lid.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
