Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
