Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
