whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
