Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
