it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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