He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
