After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
