The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
