She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
