It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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