someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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