we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
