My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
