I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
