i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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