I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
