i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
