ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
this will be a night to untag.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize