If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
