You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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