Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
