Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
