Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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