My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Pooping to opera.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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