woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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