Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
