I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize