You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's like iHOP with fire
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize