he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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