the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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