Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
