I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize