I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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