Too much gin, very little bucket
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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