All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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