I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
