Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My bed smells like the plague
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