Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
